"I like it better than pencil," I said. I don't like the roughness of the lead against paper when I'm trying to write fast, nor do I like how light it is compared to solid black ink. I'm a writer - I can get anal about these things.
"I could never write in pen," he said. "I would be too afraid to mess up. What if you make a mistake?"
"Then I just cross it out."
He deemed my answer acceptable with a shrug and left me alone. I started thinking about writing in pen. It's not the first time someone has commented on my obvious affinity for ink, especially in my writing journals. People stare at page after page of my journal filled with black ink and then ask me why I don't use something safer, like pencil. They ask what happens if I mess up. They ask if I ever mess up. They ask why I don't at least use erasable ink (short answer: there is no such thing as good erasable ink. It's the worst of both worlds).
I tell them that if I mess up, I cross it out. I do anything from putting a single line through it (if I'm writing fast) to thoroughly obliterating the mistake with enough curlicues so that you can't tell what had been written (if it's a particularly embarrassing mistake, or to stall for time when I'm stuck). Sometimes I get creative and use two lines, or a combination of lines and curlicues. It can get pret-ty wild, lemme tell ya.
And of course I mess up. I'm writing a novel. It's not 100% written in my head, though that would be convenient. Nor does it travel smoothly from my head to my hand. I mark out entire paragraphs sometimes (one large x does the job quite nicely. No need to saw away at the paper for three minutes to produce a work of art resembling something your cat might hack up, but to each their own). I don't write in pen because I'm foolish enough to think it'll be perfect.
I will admit, I wince a little when I make my first mistake on each new page. Being a bit of a perfectionist, the sight of a "perfect," unmarred page gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. But there aren't many of those.
What's the big deal about crossing things out? It's funny that people even comment on my use of ink. I wouldn't bring it up, except that several people have done so over the years. They make me feel like I'm revolutionary, adventurous. "Look at her, she's so brave and confident. She uses pen to write her novel!"
In reality, our lives aren't publish-ready. They are full of cross-outs and scribbles and notes-to-self. And we shouldn't be ashamed of that, because it means we care about the quality of our work. It means we want to learn from our mistakes. If you try to erase every error from your mind, you can't look back and realize what to do better next time. All you'll see is a fading account of a halfway-decent life, and you'll think it's okay to settle for that. That's complacency.
So be bold. Write in that black ink. Make mistakes. Marking them out shows that you realize your own mistakes and that you're on the road to fixing them.
And that's the best path we can hope for.